My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
