We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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