we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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