She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
