fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
