the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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