Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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