My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
