I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
