Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
