I am spending my child support on dildos
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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