I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
