I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
