i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
