Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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