I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
organizing the empties. That sober.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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