He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
