Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
