Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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