she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
