hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
