Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
