i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
