And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
