You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
