the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
