I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
