i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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