i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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