is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
