I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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