If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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