420 ftw
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
