Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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