Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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