She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
