one two three fourrrrnication!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it's like iHOP with fire
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
