i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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