okay pat passed out under dana's car
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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