Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
