he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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