You just made me feel so damn special
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
