If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
