I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Found your dick twin last night
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
