I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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