I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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