First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Found the puke drawer
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
