yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
