We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
