Your dad touched me again.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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