walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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