You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
